🩺 Scrub In: The Motivated Med Life

Do you ever struggle to keep in touch with others?

For most of my life, transportation was the biggest barrier to seeing family I hadn’t seen in a long time, like trying to visit my aunts and uncles in Nigeria. As I continued in school, time became the biggest barrier. No time right now: I’m in class, I have a test, or I have a paper due.

Even now, transportation (and cost) and time still make it difficult to meet people in person. But what about over the phone or through texting? I’ve noticed that it’s very easy for me to lose touch with my friends and family simply because I forget to text back or I thought I sent a text but never actually did. Then months later, while taking a break from studying or resting after a test, I’ll randomly start cleaning out my phone messages and find seven different conversations I never followed up on.

I want to do better. Especially because I was taught better. My mom is the type of person who always calls and checks in on friends and family, so for me it feels second nature.

But here’s what I’ve realized: what often stops me from calling or texting someone is the fear that maybe our lack of communication is because they don’t actually want to talk to me. I don’t know where this fear comes from, but it collides with my tendency to avoid burdening others (something I probably need to unpack later, since it ties into being an only child and a latchkey kid—lots of independence, but also a strong sense of needing to be self-reliant).

So when I think about reaching out, I worry: If I’m always the one making the first move, am I ignoring the signal that they’re busy and don’t want to be bothered?

The irony is that whenever I do work up the courage to reach out, I’m almost always met with happy, warm, and energetic replies. My friends are excited to update me on their lives. That’s what makes it disheartening—realizing how much time medical school has taken away from the daily ways I used to connect with people.

Even now, as I study for my Step 1 exam, I try in small ways to stay connected. I don’t have the time or money to travel for visits, but I love sending quick “happy new month” messages to friends and family. Maybe I can do even more—like mailing a birthday card or sending a small gift. Back in undergrad, I once mailed postcards to friends, and they were so well received. I should probably do that again.

Funny enough, just writing this helped me realize I now have a new little project to work on during my study breaks.

So, let me ask you: do you also struggle to reach out to others? Does it make you feel like a burden? Or are you just a little awkward and never know what to say? Are you good at keeping in touch with people? What do you do? I’d love to hear your ideas.